A couple of weeekends ago we went to Dallas to attend one of my best friends' wedding. I have known him since the 6th grade, which is to say about 20 years, so we've got some longevity there. Now I've been in my share of weddings, both as groom/groomsman and as spectator/heckler, but never have I been in a Vietnamese wedding. Let me tell you right now, if you are ever asked by a Vietnamese friend to be in their wedding party, find some way to politely say no.
The day began early, around 0800. I got dressed in full tux and headed over to the groom's parents house. There I was greeted by his ENTIRE extended family, close to 50 people strong. We hung out there for an hour, where we groomsmen fortunately took every opportunity to save the feet. Tux shoes are painful as is, but long hauls in them can be deadly. From there we proceeded to get everyone into cars (groomsmen had a limo for this first part) and stuffed several offering trays and a FULLY COOKED PIG into the limo with us. They hadn't even bothered to cut the pig up. Nope, just cook him and put him on a tray. From there we went to the house of the bride's parents, where their ENTIRE extended family was hanging out. We all crowded into the living room, which had been voided of all furniture, and proceeded for the next hour and a half to introduce the families to each other. ALL OF THEM. Each family had an emcee who would go through and introduce such and such, who was the eldest son of such and such, who was in turn the second son of such and such and, well, you get the picture. By the end of that the dogs were already starting to feel it. We feasted on pig and other Vietnamese cuisine (they make fantastic egg rolls) and finally took off for the groom's place at around 12:30.
After a short power nap, the groom changed out of his traditional Vietnamese garb into a tux and then we were away again, this time to the church for the actual wedding. Now this friend of mine, he had mentioned on several occasions the wish for something to spice up the wedding so as to not make it drab and boring. Well, he got his wish. Apparently he forgot - even through the proddings of both his bride-to-be and his groomsmen - the wedding license at his house. So we sat there sweating through an additional 20 minutes past the start time of the wedding for someone to get the license from his house, because the priest wasn't gonna do squat without it. The Catholics take these things somewhat seriously. It was your typical Catholic wedding, complete with up-down-up-down-left-right-left-right-B-A-Start aerobics, except that it was entirely in Vietnamese, so we didn't know when to do the sitting or the standing except by example of the congregation. Much fun.
Finally, we headed off to the reception. Now the Vietnamese are a little tricky when it comes to receptions. They say that it starts at X time, but in reality nobody shows up for an hour after X. So we showed up 40 minutes late to the reception, which was actually right on time, and formed a receiving line outside the reception hall. Another hour or so of standing later, we were finally introduced to the reception and thought we would get a well-needed rest for the tootsies. Yeah, right. The emcees from part one of the day showed up again and went through the process of introducing the ENTIRE families again! More Vietnamese cuisine (including warm beer) followed, and by the end of the night I was completely wiped out.
So, to recount:
15 hours in a tuxedo
6-7 hours of standing in tux shoes
98% communication in Vietnamese
Dead tired me
I ended up getting a sinus infection out of the whole deal, probably from lack of sleep and lowered immune system. Well, that and mold counts that would make Superman sneeze.
The Boddishatva of the Underworld
Makes you want to flick that tongue!
